From the bottom of my heart...THANK YOU for writing this Ingrid. I am SMACK in the middle of separating myself from my BPD/NPD mother & 80% moved out of her house. I SO NEEDED to hear these words today. While I'm here (1st time), let me share my appreciation for your book Believing Me & my excitement/anticipation for my pre-ordered copy of Fawning. I am about to endure a difficult & painful journey toward clarity, understanding & self-discovery at the age of almost 58. Thank you for helping me lift my chin just enough to see a glimmer of hope.
I appreciate that. Would love to hear more. Moved in due to having Multiple Sclerosis & lack of resources. Moving out because the health risks of enduring the abuse, crazy-making & gaslighting is harder to manage than M.S! I pray new resources will follow.
Time to look after yourself. My fawning started in childhood in an effort to get approval and acceptance. Turned myself into a pretzel for others instead of seeing to my own needs. Been on this journey since 2013. It's life long. The body keeps the score where trauma and abuse has occurred
I can certainly relate. As the eldest of 4 sibs, I was essentially born parentified. My entire work life has consisted of being a pretzel too...in 1 way or another because I was trained to people please & be attuned to the needs of everyone but me. I even became a Marriage & Family Therapist! Never during my training did I see my own story. It just fell under the inadequate guise of "enmeshed" or "codependent" family dynamics. I so wish I had the benefit of Dr. Clayton's work to validate my experience over the last decade. So true about our bodies keeping score (another great book). Glad you are looking after yourself & continuing the journey. I accept this is a life-long process & I'm going to meet/re-orient to myself somewhere along this storm. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to being further along the road & being able to see how far I've come. For now, I'll practice self-compassion & meet myself wherever I'm at.
Oh. My. Word. Yes to all of this and then some. When I realized that nobody was coming to save my arse, that it was up to me, I began the work. When I realized my husband was actually doing the very best he knew how, I got really lonely. That helped me find myself. Once I found myself, I had to have “the talk” with me. Then I was able to set a few boundaries by stating my needs. Huge. HUGE. I didn’t realize just how much I had been slammed shut by people who just didn’t know how to handle what I couldn’t handle either…but it’s worked out. I am able to actually communicate with my spouse, allow myself to endure his “disappointment” when things don’t go the way he thinks they should and that in and of itself has changed our relationship a LOT. This is the most important journey of my life, and it allows me so much more compassion for everyone else, because I gave it to myself first. Thank you, Ingrid, you are more helpful than you know. You started me on this journey because I followed you and listened. And learned. Annnnd my vulnerability meter just went off. 😉
So good! "...without disturbing the fragile balance of the relationships around us". This speaks volumes.
This is incredibly validating. Thank you ♥️
From the bottom of my heart...THANK YOU for writing this Ingrid. I am SMACK in the middle of separating myself from my BPD/NPD mother & 80% moved out of her house. I SO NEEDED to hear these words today. While I'm here (1st time), let me share my appreciation for your book Believing Me & my excitement/anticipation for my pre-ordered copy of Fawning. I am about to endure a difficult & painful journey toward clarity, understanding & self-discovery at the age of almost 58. Thank you for helping me lift my chin just enough to see a glimmer of hope.
Kindly,
Angela
You are not alone in this journey. Naming it was a game changer for me.
I appreciate that. Would love to hear more. Moved in due to having Multiple Sclerosis & lack of resources. Moving out because the health risks of enduring the abuse, crazy-making & gaslighting is harder to manage than M.S! I pray new resources will follow.
Time to look after yourself. My fawning started in childhood in an effort to get approval and acceptance. Turned myself into a pretzel for others instead of seeing to my own needs. Been on this journey since 2013. It's life long. The body keeps the score where trauma and abuse has occurred
I can certainly relate. As the eldest of 4 sibs, I was essentially born parentified. My entire work life has consisted of being a pretzel too...in 1 way or another because I was trained to people please & be attuned to the needs of everyone but me. I even became a Marriage & Family Therapist! Never during my training did I see my own story. It just fell under the inadequate guise of "enmeshed" or "codependent" family dynamics. I so wish I had the benefit of Dr. Clayton's work to validate my experience over the last decade. So true about our bodies keeping score (another great book). Glad you are looking after yourself & continuing the journey. I accept this is a life-long process & I'm going to meet/re-orient to myself somewhere along this storm. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to being further along the road & being able to see how far I've come. For now, I'll practice self-compassion & meet myself wherever I'm at.
For enmeshed families I recommend the work of Dr Kenneth Adams. Website and YouTube.
This is speaking to my heart, and nervous system - so validating, adore your work THANK YOU! X
Oh. My. Word. Yes to all of this and then some. When I realized that nobody was coming to save my arse, that it was up to me, I began the work. When I realized my husband was actually doing the very best he knew how, I got really lonely. That helped me find myself. Once I found myself, I had to have “the talk” with me. Then I was able to set a few boundaries by stating my needs. Huge. HUGE. I didn’t realize just how much I had been slammed shut by people who just didn’t know how to handle what I couldn’t handle either…but it’s worked out. I am able to actually communicate with my spouse, allow myself to endure his “disappointment” when things don’t go the way he thinks they should and that in and of itself has changed our relationship a LOT. This is the most important journey of my life, and it allows me so much more compassion for everyone else, because I gave it to myself first. Thank you, Ingrid, you are more helpful than you know. You started me on this journey because I followed you and listened. And learned. Annnnd my vulnerability meter just went off. 😉
Timely...
Resonates...
Validates