Great to help the men and women who are caught in this terrible circle,But I have not heard a lot about the husband/ Wife of a Fawner who has to go through this horrible action of seeing a partner Man/Women throwing themselves at another without thinking of there partners
In two days time I celebrate one year of marriage. I am now devastated because when my wife made her vows to me on the 28th of Feb,,she also made them to our best man whom had a partner and had only met for the first time and worst of all
The best man's wife had it all on camera and walked away after the ceremony
So while I back my one year old wife 100% if any one says to me that part of this Fawning is not Sensual to the receiver I will say to any reader. Fuck off.
I've seen my one year old wife ,,now seeing a psychiatrist,, chasing after a man she used to fawn on the market square ..being 400yards away and yet running up to him and doing everything to empress him ..so to the writers..where is the FEAR here .
To me it sounds like limerence. It's a terrible feeling. It's that filling of a huge void inside. It's like being addicted to another person who does not reciprocate our feelings, but we constantly chase to get our needs met. Some good reading out there on this subject.
My 88-year old mom is not a fawner, I *think* she’s a fighter, but boy howdy does she spiritually bypass, actually arguing with everyone around exactly how to pray and what to believe.
Great article. I love the questions in your Reclaim section. Very effective! My only concern is that those of us who have experienced trauma, often do this bypassing because we’re carrying so much pain, we have a hard time taking on any more. I’d love to see you include this issue in what you’ve written. How to create space and be self-compassionate to honor the reasons we bypass. But that’s just my lens. Love the piece regardless. Very wise and impactful.
I haven't found spiritual practices to cause bypassing in most people (if they are consistent & their intention is truly to heal.) The by-passing I have seen comes in joining spiritual groups that are referred to as "toxic positivity," groups. You are expected to be happy and positive all the time because "negative vibes" are not tolerated in the group. In other words, you start relating an honest problem or fear, and the entire group looks at you like, 'How dare you shit all over our positive vibes?" No matter what is going on in your life or how traumatic, there is some belief that simply being positive will somehow solve it. I haven't seen people receive honest help in those groups (or stay very long) because they aren't welcome. That's what I think of as true spiritual by-passing--joining & staying in a toxic positivity group.
I love this article and its put to words something i see in some south asian communities. Rather than addressing the underlying issues, we can sometimes rely on religion or spiritual practices as an escape route. Where people believe in quantity over depth.
I became a fan of yours from your talks on Friendly Circle Berlin, and I learned a LOT from your book on this subject. I will say though that I really got it reading about the "spiritualizer" part from Jenna Riemersma (Christian IFS therapist). Wow. Been there, been doing that for about 8 years or so now? Facing that pain is not for the faint of heart!!
Point for everyone here.
Great to help the men and women who are caught in this terrible circle,But I have not heard a lot about the husband/ Wife of a Fawner who has to go through this horrible action of seeing a partner Man/Women throwing themselves at another without thinking of there partners
In two days time I celebrate one year of marriage. I am now devastated because when my wife made her vows to me on the 28th of Feb,,she also made them to our best man whom had a partner and had only met for the first time and worst of all
The best man's wife had it all on camera and walked away after the ceremony
So while I back my one year old wife 100% if any one says to me that part of this Fawning is not Sensual to the receiver I will say to any reader. Fuck off.
I've seen my one year old wife ,,now seeing a psychiatrist,, chasing after a man she used to fawn on the market square ..being 400yards away and yet running up to him and doing everything to empress him ..so to the writers..where is the FEAR here .
James Broderick
jimbro874@gmail.com
To me it sounds like limerence. It's a terrible feeling. It's that filling of a huge void inside. It's like being addicted to another person who does not reciprocate our feelings, but we constantly chase to get our needs met. Some good reading out there on this subject.
My 88-year old mom is not a fawner, I *think* she’s a fighter, but boy howdy does she spiritually bypass, actually arguing with everyone around exactly how to pray and what to believe.
Great article. I love the questions in your Reclaim section. Very effective! My only concern is that those of us who have experienced trauma, often do this bypassing because we’re carrying so much pain, we have a hard time taking on any more. I’d love to see you include this issue in what you’ve written. How to create space and be self-compassionate to honor the reasons we bypass. But that’s just my lens. Love the piece regardless. Very wise and impactful.
I haven't found spiritual practices to cause bypassing in most people (if they are consistent & their intention is truly to heal.) The by-passing I have seen comes in joining spiritual groups that are referred to as "toxic positivity," groups. You are expected to be happy and positive all the time because "negative vibes" are not tolerated in the group. In other words, you start relating an honest problem or fear, and the entire group looks at you like, 'How dare you shit all over our positive vibes?" No matter what is going on in your life or how traumatic, there is some belief that simply being positive will somehow solve it. I haven't seen people receive honest help in those groups (or stay very long) because they aren't welcome. That's what I think of as true spiritual by-passing--joining & staying in a toxic positivity group.
I love this article and its put to words something i see in some south asian communities. Rather than addressing the underlying issues, we can sometimes rely on religion or spiritual practices as an escape route. Where people believe in quantity over depth.
I became a fan of yours from your talks on Friendly Circle Berlin, and I learned a LOT from your book on this subject. I will say though that I really got it reading about the "spiritualizer" part from Jenna Riemersma (Christian IFS therapist). Wow. Been there, been doing that for about 8 years or so now? Facing that pain is not for the faint of heart!!
I haven’t heard of her, that is awesome!
Come on
BE HONEST